BY MARCEL SCHWANTES for INC.
The age-old wisdom that “it is better to give than to receive” has shaped countless individuals, teams, and organizations for generations. But what if this is only half of the story?
Globally renowned leadership expert, author, and speaker Robb Holman raises a thought-provoking question: “If everyone were giving, who would be left to receive?”
Research indicates that receiving a gift triggers the release of happiness-inducing hormones like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, echoing the chemical reactions associated with love. This is a proven recipe for cultivating and nurturing trust within our immediate sphere of influence.
Given these benefits, who wouldn’t want to learn how to improve at receiving?
In an exclusive interview, Robb shares insights from his new book, “Lessons from Abdul: The Hidden Power of Receiving from Anyone, Anytime,” shedding light on the often-overlooked importance of being a receptive leader.
Robb’s personal journey of learning from his unconventional mentor, Abdul, not only highlights the potential of gaining wisdom from anyone but also demonstrates that by embracing new perspectives, you can unlock profound personal growth. He emphasized that receiving typically falls into three main categories: Help/Support, Different Perspectives/Opinions, and Praises/Compliments. This was helpful as we first discussed some of the barriers holding us back from receiving.
Barriers to Authentic Receiving
Robb identifies three barriers hindering authentic reception, as outlined in his book, which sheds light on a total of seven barriers.
- Letting Go of Control: When we are giving, guess who is in control? You guessed it, the giver! The act of receiving puts us in a vulnerable position, challenging our sense of control.
- Unveiling the Noble Mask: Some people may struggle with receiving positive feedback due to a fear that it might inflate their ego (if coming from a superior) or make them appear weak or vulnerable (if coming from a subordinate). Fear of appearing weak or vulnerable can lead individuals to deflect praise, masking deeper issues related to self-understanding and identity.
- The Paradox of Closeness: Over-familiarity with close connections can make receiving from them challenging, as familiarity breeds contempt.
Lessons from Abdul
Robb shares three lessons his childhood mentor, Abdul, instilled to provide valuable guidance in overcoming these barriers. His book sheds light on ten lessons in total.
- Embrace Your Inner North Star: Knowing and embracing our personal core values acts as an anchor to help us to embrace diversity, broaden understanding, and deepen personal growth.
- Self-Discipline Shapes Outcomes: By making disciplined choices aligned with our values, we can overcome challenges and lead a purposeful life.
- Compassion-Driven Collaboration: While you may not share the same beliefs, opinions, or experiences as someone else, believing in that person holds immense value. It fosters greater compassion and facilitates meaningful connections, enabling you to receive and collaborate in powerful ways.
Incorporating these insights into leadership practices can foster genuine reception, empowering leaders to cultivate a culture of selflessness and purposeful giving. As Robb concludes, the capacity to receive is as crucial as the act of giving, shaping outcomes and fostering meaningful connections in both personal and professional realms.
Mastering the Art of Receiving
I asked Robb for practical advice on how to respond when someone offers help, perspective, or praise. He suggests a three-pronged approach, which he expands on in the book: first, meditate on your largest barriers to become more self-aware; second, challenge your default response by pausing and sincerely expressing gratitude; and third, within 24 hours, take time to reflect on the interaction and consider how you can cultivate a more gracious, receptive approach in the future.
