by Celine Hosea
We live in a unique age where multiple contradictions regarding self-optimisation exist simultaneously, much more so than in other periods of history. The ideal modern person encompasses difficult or near-impossible elements to attain side-by-side.
For instance, industrial capitalism and ideas of good parenting evolved more or less simultaneously. The categorisation of emotional neglect as child abuse emerged only recently, right alongside rapid advancements in technology and increased career responsibilities.
We are expected to be more present and emotionally accommodating parents yet spend longer hours at work. We are encouraged to take on side hustles and respond to emails outside work while at the same time being very informed of the psychological damages that we may unintentionally inflict on our child through failing to emotionally validate them, play with toys and draw with them, and spend a significant amount of energy and time with them.
We live in a unique age where multiple contradictions regarding self-optimisation exist simultaneously, much more so than in other periods of history.
The inaccessibility of domestic workers also emerged recently. Post-WWII, having domestic workers is now considered an extreme luxury. Meanwhile, in 18th century England, having maids was so common that even lower-ranking managers would have 2 maids in their household in addition to having a stay-at-home partner, lower-ranking non-managerial positions such as entry-level accountants would have 1 full-time maid, and even shared flats would have a shared maid.
The rapid advancements in communication technology also do not allow for rest. While only a hundred years ago, you could excuse yourself for being unable to communicate when you were away from a landed telephone, now we are expected to respond to emails while on the train or waiting for coffee.
Instead of letting technology alleviate our work responsibilities, it only led to increased work responsibilities, and more crucially, we are supposed to do more while at the same time involving work that is more mentally, intellectually, and emotionally taxing, as the non-creative work is now largely automated.
And so, occurs a paradox: More mentally taxing and creative work relies on a clear mind to produce the best outcomes. Yet, at the same time, we are not given more time to achieve this state; instead, we are relegated to a frenetic existence. Working for long periods of time may compromise quality less if it involves less creativity and more repetitive work. However, productivity is hard to quantify when quality is more important than quantity.
On top of all this, there are even higher expectations of developing ourselves as assets in social media presence and physical appearance. We must be active on LinkedIn, develop a following, create content, and monetise our hobbies. Social media increases the pressure to spend more time on our physical appearance, as that is now a primary way to determine our worth.
Instead of letting technology alleviate our work responsibilities, it only led to increased work responsibilities.
We are supposed to chisel ourselves into “high-value” people and, therefore, attract “high-value” partners. A partner we can “hard launch” is someone who, by mere association, can increase our perceived social value. We have trained our minds to measure and judge every part of human life through a value-created lens. Everything has KPIs.
Depression results from an inability to live up to this standard. In The Burnout Society, Byung-Chul Han calls this phenomenon “I-tiredness,” or the tiredness of optimising oneself. There is nothing objectively wrong with the depressed person other than that they cannot achieve the arbitrary standards that they set out in their minds.
This mindset, the endless self-optimisation, the presence of a highly vocal internal critique seeing potential improvements in every corner of our lives, is a core component of neurasthenia — a word coined in the mid-nineteenth century describing the mind of those living in the modern age. The nervousness of people rush-walking in the streets of New York is a quintessential example. Neurasthenia involves constant alertness, overstimulation, busyness, and high cortisol levels.
Those suffering from acute levels of neurasthenia develop a compulsion to explain themselves. Know a friend who compulsively tells you how busy they are on the first instance of seeing you without any prompts?
- “Oh my God, I am so busy… I don’t know how you have time for hobbies.”
- “It’s been insanely busy for me, you know… I’m always working all the time.”
- “You get to sleep 8 hours? Wow, that’s lucky. I’m too busy for that.”
While they say such statements with a hint of pride, internally, they are trying to convince themselves that they are fine:
- “It’s fine if I don’t have cool hobbies. The fact that I spend all my time at my job means that I have tried my best. Therefore, I am not worth less if I don’t have hobbies.”
- “It’s fine if I am not a very good friend. I genuinely tried my best, and I don’t have the energy and time left to be available to them. I am not a worse person because of this.”
- “It’s fine if I am not physically in the best shape. I sincerely lack the time for it because I am trying so hard in this other field. I am not valued less because I struggle with this.”
Even though they seem to be trying to promote their lifestyle and judge anyone who does not follow suit, they are trying to justify themselves amidst their insecurities about not having optimised these other fields.
The presence of a highly vocal internal critique seeing potential improvements in every corner of our lives is a core component of neurasthenia.
Perfectionists struggle to reconcile with the fact that they cannot do everything. No matter how hard they try to become the most optimised version of themselves, there is only all the time and energy in the world.
People make excuses for not going to the gym, not having a high-value partner, and not mastering their hobbies because they are trying to convince themselves that they are alright despite the imbalance. Excuses are made to convince others and themselves that they are okay.
In contrast, someone comfortable with unbalance would not make excuses in an attempt to convince others or themselves of their worth. They would just acknowledge facts with nonchalance:
- “I don’t want to have kids because I can’t balance that with my job.”
- “My house is a mess, and I’m fine with it.”
- “I strictly work 9 to 5 to have time with my family.”
Anything worth pursuing would fundamentally unbalance your life.
Originally posted on Medium.com
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